Knowing How to Help Others

By Diane Forrest

I recently saw this video  - it  is a short, funny little skit about how a girl just wants to share her problem. Not have someone fix the problem, just to talk it out.  I am not that way.  If I have a problem I am looking for solutions and answers.  I may not choose to follow the answers I receive, but at least there are different options that I may not have considered.   There are some problems that can't be solved though, and I just need someone to listen, and sympathize with my plight.   

The difficult thing – is to know what your confidant is expecting, solutions or a listening ear.   I will discuss a problem with a friend and he will answer - don’t ask don't tell.  He is a very smart man, so I value his thoughts and opinions.   

When I was a newlywed many years ago, when I had my first problem I went to my father.  The words he gave me are still ringing in my ears today.  He advised me to not bring him any marital problems.  I was confused at the time until I later understood.  Sharing my marital woes with my family didn't solve my problem, but changed my family's opinion about my husband.  That can lead to a very difficult situation, because after your dispute has been resolved, your family will still harbor ill will.  I tried to explain this to my son and his wife when they were first married as well. 

So, how do you help? 

When do you help and when do you just say no?  

Becoming a Better Listener

By Terry Orr 

How good of a listener are you? Most of us simply are lacking in our listening skills - too busy, subject or individual is boring, have more important things to be doing.  Too many meetings consumer our days and productive - and then we find ourselves working overtime to make up for lost time.  So why is it important to be a good listener?

Sitepoint.com suggests:

We would be spending less time trying to recall what we can’t remember and become more productive.

The quality of our work would improve because we would make less mistakes.

We would likely get into fewer arguments.

Our relationships would be stronger.

We would have more empathy and compassion for others.

In my earlier years, taking notes was really not required as I could remember most of what was said.  Later, life became more complicated - more information, more sources of that information, failure to take notes, ADD/ADHD and gradual loss of hearing all contributed to becoming a poorer listener. I needed to educate myself on better listener. So how can we do that?  Once again, I refer to Sitepoint.com who captures these 13 tips:

Stop talking.

Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes so you get a deeper understanding of where they’re coming from and what is driving them to say what they’re saying.

Focus on using inviting body language, such as making eye contact, uncrossing your arms, and turning your shoulders so you’re facing the person speaking.

Avoid thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Create memory triggers to assist your recall.

Be open minded and avoid passing judgment on the speaker.

Stop doing other things — all other things — while someone is speaking to you.

Reschedule the conversation when possible if you can’t remove the distractions.

Participate in active listening by encouraging the speaker with nods and affirmative words.

Take what is being said at face value and avoid focusing on the “hidden” meaning.

Don’t interrupt.

Summarize and repeat what you heard when it’s your turn to talk.

Ask for clarification to get a better understanding of what was said.

How many of these are you guilty of doing? Sadly, all of them for me over the years. As the years pass by and my hearing challenges continue - I find myself trying to really focus on what is being said.  Speaking up and asking questions to ensure that I understand.

March is International Listening Awareness Month.

What tips do you have to be a listening better?

June is Effective Communication Month

In today’s Politically Correct (PC) society, it has become increasingly more difficult to communicate effectively.  My approach to communicating with others is fairly straight forward and to the point. I believe in open and honest discussions, and always try to tell the truth, because it’s too hard to remember anything other than the truth.

In business, after having a verbal conversation with others, I frequently follow up with an email that covers the silent points and send that to the other participates for their review and comments and for a record copy of that discussion.  Over the top? Over kill?  Take a moment to review the past couple of months where you had a verbal conversation and later there were issue due to misunderstanding and or misinterpretations.

In my written correspondence, I try to have someone read what I have wrote to make sure I am conveying the correct message and that it is understandable.  When I’m deep in thought and fingers are pecking away on the keyboard, my mind knows exactly what I want to convey – but my finger are not always in sync or I make an ‘assumptions’ or two that really confesses the heck out of others.

There are a lot of talent people who spend their lives helping others to communicate better.  How effective do you communicate with others?  Ask someone who will be honest and straight forward with you.  After all, it is for your benefit!

Look at those around you in your daily life, can you tell who are the effective communicators?