Becoming a Better Listener

By Terry Orr 

How good of a listener are you? Most of us simply are lacking in our listening skills - too busy, subject or individual is boring, have more important things to be doing.  Too many meetings consumer our days and productive - and then we find ourselves working overtime to make up for lost time.  So why is it important to be a good listener?

Sitepoint.com suggests:

We would be spending less time trying to recall what we can’t remember and become more productive.

The quality of our work would improve because we would make less mistakes.

We would likely get into fewer arguments.

Our relationships would be stronger.

We would have more empathy and compassion for others.

In my earlier years, taking notes was really not required as I could remember most of what was said.  Later, life became more complicated - more information, more sources of that information, failure to take notes, ADD/ADHD and gradual loss of hearing all contributed to becoming a poorer listener. I needed to educate myself on better listener. So how can we do that?  Once again, I refer to Sitepoint.com who captures these 13 tips:

Stop talking.

Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes so you get a deeper understanding of where they’re coming from and what is driving them to say what they’re saying.

Focus on using inviting body language, such as making eye contact, uncrossing your arms, and turning your shoulders so you’re facing the person speaking.

Avoid thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Create memory triggers to assist your recall.

Be open minded and avoid passing judgment on the speaker.

Stop doing other things — all other things — while someone is speaking to you.

Reschedule the conversation when possible if you can’t remove the distractions.

Participate in active listening by encouraging the speaker with nods and affirmative words.

Take what is being said at face value and avoid focusing on the “hidden” meaning.

Don’t interrupt.

Summarize and repeat what you heard when it’s your turn to talk.

Ask for clarification to get a better understanding of what was said.

How many of these are you guilty of doing? Sadly, all of them for me over the years. As the years pass by and my hearing challenges continue - I find myself trying to really focus on what is being said.  Speaking up and asking questions to ensure that I understand.

March is International Listening Awareness Month.

What tips do you have to be a listening better?

“Hey – Listen Up!”

I'm All Ears...
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By Akindman

How many of us are really good listeners?

Sadly, my hand remains lowered. While I try to be a listener – watch the body language, and to identify the important points – this is hard work for an ADD/ADHD person like me.  There have been many occasions that having audio/video captured of a conversation, meeting, conference and the like were made available to me.

March is International Listening Awareness Month

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The International Listening Association states that there:

The Purpose of the Association is to advance the practice, teaching, and research of listening throughout the world.

The purpose of the Association will be accomplished in the following ways:

1. The Association will establish a network of professionals committed to promoting the study and development of effective listening;
2. Members will exchange information by sharing teaching objectives, learning activities, promotional methods, materials and additional professional experiences;
3. Members are encouraged to pursue listening research as listening affects humanity on multiple levels of economic, educational, racial, cultural, and international relations; and
4. Members will pursue management strategies and efforts promoting effective listening in government and business.

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I for one like the words above and also wonder just where this is being practiced today?

How are our children/grandchildren being taught to be good listeners?

Children learn from watching others – so who are those others that practice these important skills?

How many parents, teachers, and or other adults really practice good listening skills?

What resources are available to the common person?

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Travis Bradberry, bestselling author of "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" offers the following:

No two people will have the same account of an event, no matter how much they were paying attention.

"When a bank robbery happens and there are five different folks on the witness stand, they all saw the same thing, but their description of what happened will not be the same," Bradberry explains. "This is because they all had different emotional states. We found in our research that if the event has less emotion, the results will be more similar, but if it's dangerous or highly emotional, the stories vary greatly."

In order to become a better listener, Bradberry says we need to increase our emotional intelligence. Here are five of Bradberry's essential strategies.

Don't take notes at meetings. Try watching who's speaking instead – pay attention to what you miss while you're usually looking down at your notebook.

Clear your mind. Focus when you're talking to others. Pay attention to what you're thinking when they're speaking; if you're planning out your response rather than listening to them, you need to work on your focus.

Absorb the feedback. Don't just react – be sure you are really taking in the information the other person is giving you. Ask questions or ask for specific examples if you still want clarification.

Don't argue, understand. Having a tough conversation? Don't just plan your rebuttal – really listen, then start with where you agree and move the discussion toward a solution by asking them to help you understand their point.

Body language is key. Study your conversation partner. Are they making hand gestures? Are they slouching or crossing their arms? Are they relaxed or uncomfortable? This can help you understand what they're not telling you as much as what they ARE telling you.

Just like building a muscle, Bradberry says with practice, even the terrible listeners can transform over time.

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7 Powerful Tips To Becoming a Better Listener (http://www.dumblittleman.com/2011/08/7-powerful-tips-to-becoming-better.html)

1. Remove All Distractions;
2. Be Present;
3. Wait for the Person to Finish Speaking (in the start);
4. Don’t Assume Anything;
5. Look at the Sub-Text;
6. Clarify to ensure you got what the person is saying; and
7. Ask Questions.

There are several good web/blog sites available to obtain ideas on how to become a better listener – do a little research, pick those points that make sense to you, try them, tweak them as necessary and practice, practice and practice.

Good luck and here’s to better listening this month and beyond.

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Links for more information about Listening:

http://www.listen.org/

http://www.job-interview-site.com/Job-Interviewing-tips/management-leadership-skills

http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-03-21/features/ct-tribu-weigel-listening-20110321_1_emotional-intelligence-travis-bradberry-listeners

http://www.bookrags.com/articles/29.html

http://www.sitepoint.com/13-ways-to-become-a-better-listener/