GARFIELD ON THE OIL CRISIS

 Sharing a insightful email

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.

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Well, there's a very simple answer.

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Nobody bothered to check the oil.

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We just didn't know we were getting low.

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The reason for that is purely geographical.

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Our OIL is located in:

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ALASKA

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California

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Coastal Florida

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Coastal Louisiana

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Coastal Alabama

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Coastal Mississippi

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Coastal Texas

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North Dakota

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Wyoming

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Colorado

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Kansas

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Oklahoma

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Pennsylvania

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And Texas

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Our

dipstick is

located in the White House!

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Any Questions?

NO? Didn't think So.

National Endometriosis Month

By Nurse Diane

When I started college, I moved into the dorm.  Across the hall was a girl who could be found curled up in her bed one week out of every month.  She would lie in bed with the lights on and a cold coke in a bottle by her bed next to a bottle of tylenol.  My friend was suffering from excruciating stomach cramps every month during her menustration cycle.  Looking back on her condition now, I'm sure she must have had endometriosis.

Endometriosis is a female health disorder that occurs when cells from the lining of the womb (uterus) grow in other areas of the body. This can lead to pain, irregular bleeding, and problems getting pregnant.  The cause is unknown, however it does run in families. Other factors contributing to endometriosis include:

• started your period at a young age
• Never had children
• Have frequent periods or they last 7 or more days
• Closed hymen, which blocks the flow of menstrual blood during the period

Symptoms include:

• Painful periods
• Pain in the lower abdomen before and during menstruation
• Cramps for a week or two before menstruation and during menstruation; cramps may be steady and range from dull to severe)
• Pain during or following sexual intercourse
• Pain with bowel movements
• Pelvic or low back pain that may occur at any time during the menstrual cycle

Below are some questions to ask yourself to see if you may have endometriosis:

YES NO

_____ _____ Do you experience so much pain during or around your period that you find yourself unable to work, attend school or social functions, or go about your normal routine?

_____ _____ Do you have any relatives that have been diagnosed with Endometriosis?

_____ _____ Do you find yourself with painful abdominal bloating, swelling or tenderness at any time in your cycle?

_____ _____ Do you have a history of painful ovarian endometriomas (“chocolate cysts”)?

_____ _____ Do you have a history of miscarriage, infertility or ectopic pregnancy?

_____ _____ Do you experience gastrointestinal symptoms during your cycle, such as nausea or vomiting and/or painful abdominal cramping accompanied by diarrhea and/or constipation?

_____ _____ Do you have a history of fatigue and/or a lowered immunity (i.e., “sick and tired” all the time)?

_____ _____ Do you have a history of allergies, which tend to worsen around your periods?

_____ _____ If you are sexually active, do you experience pain during sexual activity?

_____ _____ Do you suffer from any other autoimmune diseases (i.e., thyroid disease, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, fibromyalgia, or multiple sclerosis)?

_____ _____ Have you ever undergone pelvic surgery like a laparoscopy, in which Endometriosis was suspected but not definitively diagnosed?

If you have answered “yes” to any of these questions, you could have Endometriosis.  Take these questions to your gynecologist for further discussion.

(All images from Google) 

Why?

(Google Image)

(Another enjoyable email to share)

I don’t know the validity of these – but they sound reasonable!!

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Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

BECAUSE:

When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Why do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help?

BECAUSE:

This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning 'help me' - and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'

(Google Image)

Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?

BECAUSE:

In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (mis)pronounced it 'love.'

Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?

BECAUSE:

In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfil obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

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Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?

BECAUSE:

In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

BECAUSE:

In early religious times people were indoctrinated to believe that the Devil lurked everywhere. So in order to frighten him away, and any other evil spirits as well, glasses were clinked together to frighten the Devil and Demons away.

Why do we "Drink a Toast" to someone we wish to honour?

BECAUSE:

As above, in early religious times when the Devil was thought to lurk in drinks, a small piece of dry bread, like today's toast, was dipped into the drink to soak up the Devil and other evil spirits so it would not be passed to the person being honoured. Toasting cups as they were known were multi handled in order to be passed from one person to another and finally the Honoured One for each to sip from. In due course people drank from their own cup or glass.

(Google Image)

Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?

BECAUSE:

Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the centre of attention.

Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?

BECAUSE

Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

(Google Image)

In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?

BECAUSE:

When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf.' He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into ‘caddie.’

Why are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs?

BECAUSE:

Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

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Questions - all those silly and stupid questions

By Diane Forrest,

How many times have you heard 'There are no stupid questions"?  Well today is ask a stupid question day, but if there are no stupid questions, then this will be a hard task to accomplish.  However, if you listen to my dad, he will tell you "ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."

The roots of this special day goes back to the 1980's. At the time, there was a movement by teachers to try to get kids to ask more questions in the classroom. Kids sometimes hold back, fearing their question is stupid, and asking it will result in ridicule. Teachers created this day on September 28, If it fell on a weekend, they would celebrate it on the last day of the month.

As I was thinking about this day...the first thing that came to mind was Bill Engval.  He has become famous with his "Here's your sign" routine.  This came about because people asked stupid questions and they were awarded a "stupid" sign.  Here are a few he has told:

We're in the process of remodeling our house; we've been doing it for a while now. And we have the painters in, putting sheets up around the furniture, you know? And we have a piano, just a regular, up against the wall piano. One of the painters said to me, "Is that y'all's piano?" I said, "Nah, that's our coffee table, it just has buckteeth!" Here's your sign!

I go to the flow'r feller, and get her flow'rs, and a card. And he asks me what this is for. And I tell him my grandma just passed away, hundred and four years old. And he says, "Ooh, a hundred and four? How'd she die?" How'd she die; she's a hundred and four! She wrecked her Harley up there at BikeWeek! Here's your sign!

My son, when he was six years old, was going to fly by himself from Dallas to Austin, to spend a week with his grandparents. I'm putting him on the plane; his grandmother is going to take him off the plane. And the woman who I was buying the ticket from asks, "Is there going to be anyone in Austin to pick him up when he gets off the plane?" Nope, I'm gonna pin a twenty dollar bill to his collar and wish him the best of luck! Here's your sign!

The best one I've seen yet happened in Los Angeles, California. I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged his trailer up underneath an overpass and me and the trucker are waiting on the side of the road on the tow truck driver. Well, the highway patrolman pulls up and looks at the guy's rig and he looks at the trucker and I'm thinking, "Oh, Dear God, he can't say it," 'cause I'll start laughing. Sure enough, he goes, "You get your truck stuck?" And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope. I was delivering that overpass and I ran out of gas. Here's your sign."

Here are some more stupid questions:

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say

"Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says Chicken, by the Sea," the very brainy Jessica Simpson asked then husband Nick Lachey on their reality show "Newlyweds."

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" a geographically challenged Christina Aguilera reportedly asked.

Do fish get thirsty?

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? For that matter, why is it called 7-11?

Ok, I could go on and on, but you get the idea.  So today, on Ask a stupid question day, go ahead and ask away, I promise not to laugh!  Send us one of your favorite "stupid questions"