By Chef Diane
Have you
ever seen Bill Cosby do his Chocolate Cake for Breakfast routine? It is
the funniest thing I have seen by him....and this is how it goes....You can
also watch the clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlCPQur4hc
My wife
woke me up 4:00 in the morning.
She
said,
“I want
you to go downstairs and cook breakfast for the children.”
And I
looked at the clock and I said,
“Dear,
it’s 6:00 in the morning.”
She
said,
“Exactly.
Go down and cook for the children. They have to go to school.”
I said,
“Yes,
but to eat at 6:00, isn’t that bad for your stomach? I mean, they just ate
twelve hours ago.”
My wife
said,
“Bill,
get out of that bed and go downstairs and cook breakfast for your children!!”
I said,
“Well, I
don’t know what they want to eat.”
She
said,
“It’s
down there! Now you get out of the bed!”
And I
said,
“But
where are the pans? Do we have pans to cook with?”
She
said,
“Bill,
I’m not talking to you anymore! You ask another stupid question, so help me
God, I’ll get the shotgun out of the closet and blow your face off!!”
I said,
“Well,
there’s no need to become violent about this. You seem to be having trouble
intellectualizing on where the cooking apparel is.”
So I
fell back to sleep again. The next thing I knew, there was a bucket of ice
water being shaken over my head, and this woman, that I’ve been married to for
some 17 years, was standing over me like this. [makes angry face at audience]
“Now,
you get up and cook some breakfast or you’re gonna wear this bucket of ice
water!!!”
So I
said,
“You’re
serious, aren’t you?”
So I got
up. Needless to say, I was angry. And I went downstairs without putting on my
robe. Standing there in my pajamas, and I’m talking to myself. I said,
“Get
these, go down and cook breakfast, but it’s six o’clock in the morning,”
[angrily
cooking breakfast] and I slam the pans down. Blam! On the stove. I slam them
down and go to the refrigerator and look around and I get to the damn bacon and
the sausage, cooking breakfast, six o’blam in the morning, and I grab the- you
have to be careful with eggs.
“God! I
have to cook breakfast! Boom!!”
I turn
around. The first one down was the four-year-old. The child looked lovely. Cute
little face, clean. Hair in little braids, little things, you know.
“Good
morn’, Daddy.”
And I
said,
“What do
you want for breakfast!?”
The
four-year-old has the ability to see through and find the wrong thing. The
child saw through my body what was behind me. She saw the chocolate cake. She
said,
“Can I
have the chocolate cake?”
And I
said,
“Chocolate
cake, where?”
She
said,
“Chocolate
cake behind you.”
And I
looked… and there was chocolate cake! The child wanted chocolate cake for
breakfast! How ridiculous! And I said… and someone in my brain looked under
chocolate cake and saw the ingredients: eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake! And
milk! Oh goody! And wheat! That’s nutrition!
“What do
you want?”
“Can I
have some chocolate cake?”
“Chocolate
cake coming up.”
[imitates
slicing sound] Sliced it for her and served it.
“Now,
you need something to drink with the chocolate cake, something breakfast…
grapefruit juice!”
[Woman
in audience]
No-o-o!
[Cosby]
This is
not your child!
So I
give the child a glass of grapefruit juice and chocolate cake — nutrition.
Eggs, milk, and wheat in the chocolate cake. And… I didn’t have to cook. And
the other four came downstairs. And when they came downstairs… Those of you who
have children, you’ve seen them come downstairs for school. [imitating sluggish
children] And they got to the kitchen. [imitating sluggish children] They saw
the four-year-old eating chocolate cake. And they said,
“Dad!
Where did she get the chocolate cake?”
And they
went to the child and said,
“How did
you get chocolate cake?”
She
said,
“Dad
give me chocolate cake!”
And they
looked at me and said,
“Father…
could we have chocolate cake?”
And
their father said,
“Chocolate
cake coming up!!”
Four
slices — [imitates slicing sound] — and grapefruit juice! And five children sat
at breakfast and the morning music was playing [imitating bass guitar] and they
were eating chocolate cake and singing songs to me:
“Dad is
great! Give us the chocolate cake!”
And we
had a ball until… she came down like this. [makes angry face at audience] And
when she saw what the children were eating… [when his wife sees that he has
given the kids chocolate cake for breakfast] I’ve always heard about people
having a conniption, but I’ve never seen one. You don’t want to see ‘em! My
wife’s face… split! The skin and hair split and came off of her face so that
there was nothing except the skull! And orange light came out of her hair and
it lit all around! And fire shot from her eye sockets and began to burn my
stomach! And she said,
“Where
did they get chocolate cake from?!?”
And I
said,
“They
asked for it!!”
And the
children, who had been singing praises to me, lied on me, and said,
“Uh-uhh!!
We asked for eggs and milk, and Dad made us eat this!!!”
And my
wife sent me to my room, which is where I wanted to go in the first place. So
you see? We are dumb, but we are not so dumb. It takes great thinking and work
to keep from working.
Today is
Ice Cream for breakfast Day. While it may not be chocolate cake, you can
still use Bill's reasoning that Ice Cream has eggs and milk. You can dish
it on a waffle for the wheat. So, have a little fun today...and start off
with some creamy ice cream!!!
