Humor of the Day

By Diane Forrest

One of the things that make things so funny is that there is some truth to the matter being discussed.  Most of the country is experiencing a heat wave this week, here are a few pictures that will hopefully bring a smile to your face and think about how cold it was last winter!   Is it hot enough for you?

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National Hot Breakfast Month – 2013

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By Terry Orr

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!  That is a fact – yet far too many people either skip or skimp on this meal.  One recent article stated that the average person only spends four minutes eating breakfast. Four Minutes. How on earth can you have a hot, healthy breakfast in four minutes?

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I make an effort each morning to take at least 30 minutes, be generally 45-60 minutes to enjoy my breakfast.  I start with some fresh fruit along with my morning medications. Then to my entrée – egg white omelet, blueberry pancakes, or hot oatmeal most days with some sort of breakfast meat and wheat toast.

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Growing up in Missouri – breakfast was important meal – while we did not have large breakfasts during the school week – we sure made up for that on the weekends.  Creams of Wheat and Oatmeal with fruit were favorites on school days – especially on the cold mornings.

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Now that you have successful gotten through January – take a few minutes most mornings and have a good hot breakfast!

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International Hot and Spicy Food Day

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By Chef Diane

My grandfather put tobaccos sauce on everything.  There was a big bottle of the stuff on the table at every meal, even breakfast.  My father recently told me that my grandfather started eating it and putting it on the food, to keep the other people in his family out of his food.   I can understand that, the men in my family are very territorial when it comes to protecting their food!

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I on the other hand, cannot eat spicy food.  Not only does it burn my mouth, but it also closes up my throat, and keeps me from breathing.  It takes a long time to recover after eating something with spices on it.  I can tolerate a little black pepper on scrambled eggs, but, that’s about it.

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My son on the other hand must have inherited my grandfather's palate.  He loves hot and spicy food, and searches the world over for the hottest spice to add to his meals.  He found a jar of some spice, it was a red sauce.  He could only put one drop on his plate, and then lightly dip the food in it before it burned a hole in the plate.  I’m always scared to eat something he cooks, he likes to sneak in some spices then too.

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People have been adding spices to their food for over 6000 years.  Hot foods can actually be very good for you because of their medicinal and antimicrobial properties. Garlic, chilies, onions, allspice, and oregano all kill bacteria and make food safer to consume according to punchbowl.com.

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Today is International Hot and Spicy Food Day, so if you can tolerate some hot spices, then today is your day!  Me, I think I will just scramble some eggs and sprinkle a little black pepper on top and have a big tall glass of ice water nearby to put out the fire.

National Chili Day

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By Diane Forrest

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Canada.

Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

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Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3):

Chili # 1 Mike’s Maniac Monster Chili

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 — (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur’s Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 — A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit- faced from all of the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba’s Black Magic

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili..

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Tommy’s Toenail Curling Chili

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Contest Over

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I love that story, and having spent time in Texas, I know they believe in the Hotter the Better theory.  Speaking of hot, it seems odd that National Chili Day would be celebrated in July, one of the hottest months of the year, but I guess they think that you can fight fire with fire.  I fix chili often; in fact I have a pot fixed now.  It’s quick and easy to make, and it will last me for a week.  I use a simple recipe, starting with a pack of McCormick’s mild chili season.   I follow the recipe on the back, using one pound of ground beef, cooked, 2 8 oz cans of tomato sauce, 1 large can of diced tomatoes, and 1 can of kidney beans.  After I mix it all together and let it simmer for a bit, I spoon it over a bed of rice that I have topped with a slice of American cheese, then I put a dollup of sour cream on top.  I sprinkle some shredded cheese and Fritos on top and have a delicious meal.

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Today is National Chili Day, why not fix up a pot of your favorite recipe and have a hot delicious treat...just don't make it too hot!

Hot Enough For Ya Day

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By Terry Orr

Did you know July 23 is Hot Enough For Ya Day? Well, it is.  Hot Enough For Ya Day is observed annually on July 23. "When it's just too hot to think of anything intelligent to say about the weather (or anything else for that matter), on July 23 you can quip, 'Is it hot enough for ya yet?'"

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So far, the summer of 2012 has been a scorcher for most of the U.S., following hot on the heels of a much warmer than usual winter.

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Dog Days of Summer

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By Diane Forrest

I went outside the other day, and nearly melted away.  I checked the temperature, and it was 102 degrees!  My dad said that we were in the dog days of summer.  I have heard this expression many times, but never really knew what it meant.  I just assumed that it meant it was just dog gone hot outside!

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Actually it is a time period from July 3rd to August 11.  It is observed in the Mediterranean as the hottest part of the summer.  The name actually comes from the stars, specifically the conjunction of Sirius (the dog star) and the sun.    In the summer Sirius, the “dog star,” rises and sets with the sun. During late July Sirius is in conjunction with the sun, and the ancients believed that its heat added to the heat of the sun, creating a stretch of hot and sultry weather. They named this period of time, from 20 days before the conjunction to 20 days after, “dog days” after the dog star.

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The Romans sacrificed a brown dog at the beginning of the Dog Days to appease the rage of Sirius, believing that the star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather.

Dog Days were popularly believed to be an evil time "the Sea boiled, the Wine turned sour, Dogs grew mad, and all other creatures became languid; causing to man, among other diseases, burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies." according to Brady’s Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

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In recent years, the phrase "Dog Days" or "Dog Days of Summer" have also found new meanings. The term has frequently been used in reference to the American stock market. Typically, summer is a very slow time for the stock market, and additionally, poorly performing stocks with little future potential are frequently known as "dogs".

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All I know is that the dog days of summer is a very hot time, and I just want to stay inside in my cool air conditioned house and sip on ice cold drinks or eat some ice cream.  During these Dog Days, stay inside if at all possible, and if you have to be outdoors, be sure to drink plenty of fluids, and have frequent rest periods.

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International Hot and Spicy Food Day

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By Diane Forrest,

I remember when I was very young I would go visit my grandparents on the coast.  Every morning my grandmother would cook breakfast, fried eggs, crisp bacon, grits, homemade biscuits with her own fresh preserves and hot coffee.  I can still smell how good her kitchen smelled in the morning.  When my grandfather sat down to eat, he would cut up his egg, letting the yoke run out, then crumble his bacon over the top, then sprinkle salt and pepper over the mixture.  Before taking his first bite, he would douse it all with tobacco sauce.  My grandfather covered everything he ate with tobacco sauce.  He was a Cajun, and they are known for their hot and spicy foods.

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When I tried a taste of tobacco I thought my head was on fire.  I couldn't breathe and there wasn't enough water in the world to put out the fire.  The most I can do is sprinkle a little black pepper on my scrambled eggs.  Then came my son.  He certainly got my grandfather's taste buds.  He loves hot and spicy food.  One summer he even grew his own peppers and ended up selling some to the local Mexican restaurant.  He found some sort of extremely hot sauce on the internet; I think it was actually nuclear waste.  He was only able to put a small dot on his plate then barely dip his food in it, getting just a molecule of sauce on it before the sauce ate through the plate.

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The thing that makes the peppers hot is an oil called Capsaicin.  Hot foods can actually be very good for you too because of their medicinal and antimicrobial properties. Garlic, chilies, onions, allspice, and oregano have all been proven to kill bacteria to make food safer to consume.  Peppers have been used in food for over 6000 years, and there are many recipes including these spices.

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Today is International Hot and Spicy Food Day.  I am including one of my husband's favorite appetizers, stuffed jalapeño peppers.  They are especially good when dipped in ranch dressing.  Try something hot and spicy today, I think I will just stick to my black pepper on scrambled eggs!

Jalapeño Poppers

Ingredients:

• 15 jalapeno peppers
• 8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
• 1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1 cup milk
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• dash salt
• 1 cup plain dry breadcrumbs
• oil for deep frying

Preparation:

1. Slice jalapeno peppers in half lengthwise; remove seeds. Combine the cream cheese and Cheddar, mixing until well blended. Fill the jalapeno pepper halves with cream cheese mixture and press halves back together. Put milk in a shallow bowl.
2. Combine the salt and flour in a shallow bowl.
3. Put bread crumbs in a shallow bowl.
4. Dip the peppers in the milk, then in the flour, coating thoroughly. Set them on a sheet of foil or waxed paper to dry for about 15 minutes.
5. Dip the peppers in the milk again, then in the bread crumbs. Let them dry again for 10 to 15 minutes. If necessary, dip again lightly in the milk and again in the bread crumbs and let dry again.
6. Meanwhile, heat oil in deep fryer to 370°. Deep fry peppers in batches for about 3 minutes, or until golden brown. Transfer jalapeno poppers to paper towels to drain.