Maxine’s Perspective of 2012

By Terry Orr

(Thanks for the email Toni)

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.  I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY and a MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO!

National Fast Food Day

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Two all beef patties

Special sauce

Lettuce

Cheese

Pickles

Onions

On a sesame seed bun

By Chef Diane

For those of you who are too young to remember, that was the jingle for McDonald's Big Macs during the 1970's.  I remember this because we had to learn it over and over again when we got our first McDonalds in the small delta town where I lived.  If you called them and said this real fast, you would get a free big mac.  The night before this McDonald's open, my family was invited to a grand opening dinner where everything was free.  This was our first fast food restaurants, so this night was almost as exciting as going to the circus.  I remember I ordered a big mac, strawberry milk shake, fries and a hot apple pie.  I thought I was in heaven.  A school friend's mother would always pick her up some lunch from there, and bring it to her at school, while the rest of us sat amazed, while we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

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These days, there are fast food places everywhere you look.  According to punchbowl.com, there are over 300,000 fast food restaurants in the United States alone. The first was a hot dog stand on Coney Island that opened in 1867.

Many fast food chains have been in the news lately.  There was an uproar over Chic Filet over controversial statements from the CEO.  There have been menu changes with offering better, more nutritious foods, there have been complaints about toys offered in kid's meals, diets consisting of nothing but subway sandwiches, and a controversial film about supersizing menu items.

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Today is National Fast Food Day.  With the availability, cost, and variety, there is something available for everyone.  There are several ways to celebrate this day.  You can start your morning off with some coffee and a muffin from Starbucks, have a nutritious grilled chicken and fruit salad from Wendy’s for lunch, a fresh fruit frozen yogurt for an afternoon snack from McDonald s, and a low fat subway for dinner.  Or, if you are like me, you can get some chili cheese fries, big macs, and deep dish pan pizzas.  This day only comes once a year, so splurge and enjoy!

Fast Food Day

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By Diane Forrest

Almost every day someone is telling us how to eat.  You see it in the news, on television shows, even from the White House.  You hear it from your parents, friends, teachers and doctors.  Some of the information even sinks in, but there are times you just want some McDonald's French fries, or some Kentucky Fried Chicken, or make a run for the border for some Taco Bell.

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It is hard to resist the temptation of fast foods.  It's quick, easy, and inexpensive.  Many children are started on it at a young age.  I am guilty of getting happy meals for my son when he was young; I think one of the first words he said was Donald land.  He loved to go play on the playground at McD's, and even had one of his birthday parties there.  Over the years we shared many special times at a fast food restaurant.  Some days I would pick him up from school and take him out for a quick lunch, some days after school we would stop by for an ice cream cone.  We would go out with the team after a game for burgers, or have meaningful conversations over a banana split.

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Fast foods are not the root of all evil, just like everything else, must be taken in moderation.  So today is your day to have guilt free trip to your nearest or dearest fast food restaurant.  Today is Fast Food Day, so enjoy it while you can, you can get back on your diet tomorrow.

National Fast Food Day

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By Diane Forrest,

I have always been somewhat directionally challenged.  I frequently get lost, even with the aid of a GPS.  When my family first moved to this town I would have a hard time finding my way around.  My father had a solution to my dilemma.  He would provide me with locations that included all the food places, such as turn left at McDonalds, keep going straight til you see Kentucky Fried Chicken, the go right at the next light.  While I may have had problems finding streets, I could always find the places to eat.

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My husband ate alot of fast food.  In fact he would rather me just run down the road and pick up something instead of me standing over the stove cooking something.  I'm sure that was no reflection on my cooking skills, he was probably just tired of hearing the smoke detector going off.  We always had our special favorite items at each place.  Some nights I would have to go to 3 different places to get dinner, but luckily they were all close together.  I would go to Dairy Queen for the milkshakes or ice cream, then Burger King for the hamburgers, and then run to McDonalds for the French fries.  Every day I would go to Sonic for a large sprite with vanilla added, that was his favorite.  I would also make trips to Wendy's for the chili and baked potatoes, Pizza hut for the pizza and KFC for the pot pies.  There was also the occasional late night trips to Taco Bell for a taco salad and empanadas’.  When he had teeth problems he would only eat chicken noodle soup from Subway or get fried pickles from the Dairy Bar down the road.

Fast food has been around for a long time.  The concept of ready-cooked food for sale is closely connected with urban development.  In Ancient Rome there were stands that sold bread and wine.

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The first fast food restaurant in America was White Castle, which opened in Wichita, Kansas in September 1921 at the end of WW1.  They were the first hamburger chain and sold hamburgers for 5 cents each.  The United States has the largest fast food industry in the world, and American fast food restaurants are located in over 100 countries. Approximately 2 million U.S. workers are employed in the areas of food preparation and food servicing including fast food in the USA.

Today is National Fast Food Day, and there is a long list of choices for you to pick from to celebrate this day, so forget about packing your lunch today and head out for a burger, fries and a shake...or anything else that tempts your taste buds.

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