Maxine’s Perspective of 2012

By Terry Orr

(Thanks for the email Toni)

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.  I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY and a MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO!

National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month

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By Nurse Diane

Being a nurse is a very tempting job when it comes to drug addiction.  Every few months I get a newsletter from the Board of Nursing and in the back it lists all the nurses who have had their licenses suspended or removed, and lists their violation.  Most of those listed are because of drug abuse.

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I went to school with a woman whose daughter also became a nurse.  She was a victim of drug abuse.  When she had reached the end of her rope, I helped my friend over the weekend sober up her child.  It was not a pretty sight.  We stayed locked in a room while her daughter screamed, cried, threatened and became violently ill.  In the end, she was able to remove the toxins from her body and with the help of her family has been able to stay off drugs.

I believe addiction to certain things are encoded in our DNA.  Some people are just immune to it, while others are not.  The same can be said for other addictions such as gambling, overeating, as well as drugs and alcohol.

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September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month. Below is part of the Presidential Proclamation:

Presidential Proclamation--National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month

NATIONAL ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION RECOVERY MONTH, 2011

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

Recovering from addiction to alcohol and other drugs takes strength, faith, and commitment. Men and women in recovery showcase the power each of us holds to transform ourselves, our families, and our communities. As people share their stories and celebrate the transformative power of recovery, they also help dispel myths and stigmas surrounding substance abuse and offer hope for lifestyles free from alcohol and other drugs. This month and throughout the year, we must promote recovery and support the growth of healthy, resilient individuals and families in the United States. Today, alcohol and other drugs threaten the future of millions of Americans. Abuse of prescription medication has reached epidemic levels, drunk and drugged driving pose significant threats to public safety, and individuals in recovery continue to confront barriers to full participation in our society. My Administration is committed to reducing substance abuse, and this year we released our 2011 National Drug Control Strategy, which supports successful, long term recoveries through research, education, increased access to treatment, and community-based recovery support. As a Nation, we must strive to promote second chances and recognize each individual's ability to overcome adversity. We laud and support the millions of Americans in recovery from substance abuse, their loved ones, and the communities that help them sustain recovery, while encouraging those in need to seek help. As we celebrate National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month, we pay tribute to the transforming power of recovery, which will continue to heal individuals and communities across our country.

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Recovery from any substance is a long and difficult process and requires assistance from many.  For more information in ways you can help, click this site: http://www.recoverymonth.gov/ and encourage anyone you know who suffers from an addiction to seek help before it’s too late.