Points to Ponder

Enjoyable email to Share

Thank you Bruce

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA..... FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION TOILETS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?

15. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHERPEOPLE.

22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

(This one took me a minute)

23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HEBECOME DISORIENTED?

33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, ‘GUIDE DOGS ONLY'? THE DOGS CAN’T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND.

It’s Hard to Love Someone with ADD

By Terry Orr

It’s a fact; a person with ADD is hard to love. You never know what to say. It’s like walking through a minefield. You tiptoe around; unsure which step (or word) will be the one that sets off an explosion of emotion. It’s something you try to avoid. ~ June Silny

“20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD”

1. They have an active mind
2. They listen but don’t absorb what is being said
3. They have difficulty staying on task
4. They become anxious easily
5. They can’t concentrate when they are emotional
6. They concentrate too intensely
7. They have difficulty stopping a task when they are in the zone
8. They are unable to regulate their emotions
9. They have verbal outburst
10. They have social anxiety
11. They are deeply intuitive
12. They think out of the box
13. They are impatient and fidgety
14. They are physically sensitive
15. They are disorganized
16. They need space to pace
17. They avoid tasks
18. They can’t remember simple tasks
19. They have many tasks going on at the same time
20. They are passionate about everything the do

“12 Reasons Why You Should Love Having ADD”

1. You see what others don’t see, you see more
2. You’re a champion multi-tasker
3. You’re philosophically deeper than most people
4. You are an … artist, an actor, a writer, marketing expert, chef, Wall Street trader, a musician, or filmmaker
5. When you find something you love, you do it with passion
6. Change doesn’t scare you
7. You’re an out-of-the-box thinker
8. Your awesome sense of humor keeps you optimistic
9. You are resilient
10. You work great under pressure
11. You have a photographic memory
12. You are compassionate empathetic, and totally lovable

Who said it’s so terrible to have ADD?

Isn’t it time to start loving your special gifts? Admit it, you’re fabulous!

Thank you June for your words of wisdom!

So you were wondering who were and are some of these people whom had/have ADD/ADHD? Here is a list of some you might know something about.

Socrates, Orville and Wilbur Wright, Steven Spielberg, Henry David Thoreau, Edgar Allen Poe, Nolan Ryan, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Whoopi Goldberg, Ernest Hemingway, Dustin Hoffman, Abraham Lincoln, Galileo, William Randolph Hearst, George Bernard Shaw, Ann Bancroft, Nostradamus, John D. Rockafeller, Napoleon, General George Patton, Pablo Picasso, Babe Ruth, Harry Belafonte, George Burns, Andrew Carnegie, Salvador Dali, Dwight D. Eisenhower, William Butler Yeats, Prince Charles, Louis Carroll, Eleanor Roosevelt, Louis Pasteur, Terry Bradshaw, Richard Branson, Glenn Beck, Jim Carrey, Ryan Gosling, Woody Harrelson, Paris Hilton, Adam Levine, Howie Mandel, Ty Pennington, Michael Phelps, Pete Rose, Michele Rodriguez, Will Smith, Justin Timeberlake, Robin Williams, Emma Watson, Bill Gates, Eva Longoria, Steven Tyler, Bill Cosby, Michael Jordan, John Lennon, Liv Tyler, Jack Nicholson, Leonardo da Vinci, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Woodrow Wilson, John F. Kennedy, Alexander Graham  Bell, Thomas Edison, Magic Johnson, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Steve McQueen, Alfred Hitchcock, Babe Ruth, Louis Pasteur, and me.

The last four links are to previous article on ADD/ADHD posted on the Blog site.

Links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/20-things-remember-you-love-person-with-add.html

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/12-reasons-why-you-should-love-having-add.html

http://kisbyto.blogspot.com/2011/03/dreading-report-card-day.html

http://kisbyto.blogspot.com/2011/09/attention-deficit-hyperactivity.html

http://kisbyto.blogspot.com/2012/09/joys-of-living-with-adhd.html

http://kisbyto.blogspot.com/2012/10/adhd-awareness-week.html

Bloopers

By Terry Orr 

(Sharing email - Thanks Diane)

Church bulletin bloopers...

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Don't let worry kill you, the church can help.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Happy Birthday Neil Armstrong 

National Underwear Day 

National Oyster Day 

Elderly Banking - Enjoy

Recently received email to share

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

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Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 again

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.