Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, January 22, 2015

GREAT TRUTHS

By Terry Orr

(Sharing another email from Nancy – Thanks)


1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. ~ John Adams
 
2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. ~ Mark Twain
 
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. ~ Mark Twain
 
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ~Winston Churchill
 
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~ George Bernard Shaw
 
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ~ G. Gordon Liddy
 
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. ~James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
 
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.     ~ Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.
 
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ~ P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. ~ Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)
 
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. 
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
~Ronald Reagan (1986)
 
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. ~ Will Rogers
 
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! ~ P. J. O'Rourke
 
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. ~Voltaire (1764)
 
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! ~ Pericles (430 B.C.)
 
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.  ~ Mark Twain (1866)
 
17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. ~ Anonymous
 
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. ~ Ronald Reagan
 
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. ~ Winston Churchill
 
20. The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. ~ Mark Twain
 
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ~ Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
 
22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. ~ Mark Twain
 
23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. ~Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
 
24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.  ~ Thomas Jefferson
 
25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop
 
FIVE BEST SENTENCES
 
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
 
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
 
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
 
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
 
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!
 
Can you think of a reason for not sharing this?


Neither could I.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

April Fool’s Day




By Diane Forrest

Today is a friend of mine's favorite holiday...he love to play jokes and pranks. He spends weeks planning the perfect gag to play on friends and co-workers. Last year, I hadn't spoken to him for a while, and he called. I didn't notice the date, I was just happy to hear from him...then he told me he had gotten engaged, and was getting married. Well you could have knocked me over with a feather! This guy had gone through a rather bad divorce a few years ago, and swore off women entirely! I was shocked to say the least. Well he continued on for a few more minutes until he finally blurted out “April fools!!!" and I had to confess that I had been fooled. Growing up I couldn't get away with any practical jokes. The people around me were always on the look out for such things. I tried a few minor things, like loosening the cap on the saltshaker or covering the toilet lid with plastic wrap, or putting Vaseline on doorknobs. But was always found out before the trick played out.

The origins of April Fools' Day are obscure. The most commonly cited theory holds that it dates from 1582, the year France adopted the Gregorian Calendar, which shifted the observance of New Year's Day from the end of March (around the time of the vernal equinox) to the first of January.


According to popular lore some folks, out of ignorance, stubbornness, or both, continued to ring in the New Year on April 1 and were made the butt of jokes and pranks on account of their foolishness. This became an annual tradition, according to this version of events, which ultimately spread throughout Europe. Thus began the centuries old tradition of playing tricks on April 1st.

Some notable pranks in recent history include a spaghetti harvest in 1957, Taco Bell's purchases of the Liberty Bell and renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell in 1996, and in 1998 Burger King introduced the left handed whopper for just one day.

Buzzfeed.com had a list of some practical jokes that you could try at home with your own friends and families that were mostly harmless. They include:
·      Print out a fake parking ticket
·      print out an unsolvable word search game, you can print one from here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannaokun/april-fools-day-pranks-you-can-easily-make-yourself
·      Pour jello in a cup with a straw for an "undrinkable" drink.
·      Fill the shower with toast
·      Mix soy sauce with sprite and put in a coke bottle for a yucky drink
·      duct tape an air horn on the back of a door so when the door opens the horn blasts
·      Make caramel "apples" out of onions
·      Fill donuts with mayonaise
·      Paint clear nail polish on soap
·      Make a "milk spill" using dried elmer's glue
·      Make a fake spill with dried nail polish.


Use your imagination and creativity and come up with something wonderful! And have a great time but be safe!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

CHRISTMAS LAUGHS


By Terry Orr
(Thanks for the email Bruce)






























"People won't remember what you did. People won't remember what you said.

But, people will remember how you made them feel."

Happy Birthday Dad!

  October 15, 2023 Each day, I walk into my den to see what in new and what are my ‘to do’ items for the day and say good morning, Dad. This...