Saturday, June 2, 2012

Punography


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.
It's syncing now.

When chemists die,
they barium.

Jokes about German sausage
are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
But he says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Than it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity
and I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood,
but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A double A "Energizer" got arrested.
was Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn't control her pupils?

If  you get a bladder infection,
urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog.
I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker,
but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class
because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.
It is a shame the Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery
because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes
give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off.

Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner ?
Oh deer.

Earthquake in Washington
... obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive,
but now I'm not so sure.

I do not enjoy computer jokes.
Not one bit.

Be kind to your dentist.
He has fillings, too.

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